In the future we'll all be gay
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
