just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
