her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
