Where did you get a picture of my penis
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You can't just leave with hair like that
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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