Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
