everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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