I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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