That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
