At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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