It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
