Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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