i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
