Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
