too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
