Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
