I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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