ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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