Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
