Your face is a jimmy john
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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