I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
