is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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