Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
