thus making me awesome and them whores
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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