Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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