the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
