I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
