I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
