1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
