Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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