i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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