Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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