I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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