I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
