The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
