I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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