I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
