I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
