Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
only if we run a train.
done.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
