you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Randomize
