he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I FOUND THE LEGS
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
