i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
