U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
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