I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
