I think I just saw someone hide a body.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Can't talk, ducks in the car
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
