oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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