I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
They have beer where we have blood.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
