the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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