remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
