My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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