I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Operation Purity has been aborted
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
