Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Randomize
