And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
