Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
